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Wednesday

January 4, 2012

So, I’ve been feeling down lately. I try not to bring The Hole (aka depression) here to my little blog, but sometimes it’s so vast and dark that I need to share it. I think that the holidays and the new year often bring out The Hole – there are so many obligations and pressures and people, and I just get overwhelmed.

I am now fairly certain that I’m an introvert. I think for a while now I’ve wanted to believe that I’m an extrovert, because I’m not really shy, I make friends with strangers all the time, and once I get talking, I really can’t stop. But the truth is that people tire me out. I am, let’s say, very considerate – I am constantly worried about how others are feeling, whether they’re having a good time, what they’re thinking – so being with people a lot is very exhausting for me. I am only now figuring this out, 33 years into my life.

The holidays have been great, but they’ve been full of people to see and things to do and places to be. There was New York, and travel to see my family, and New Year’s Eve with friends, and girls’ nights and girls’ days and parties and lunch dates and coffee dates – and though I am extremely grateful for all of my friends, I don’t think I’ve been allowing my little introverted self enough time to recover. I read this article recently, and it really helped me understand myself and that it’s okay to need time alone, and that it’s okay to need people, too.

So anyway, it’s actually good that I realized that I need some time alone, because I also realized that I have a ginormous book deadline coming up, and so I’m glued to my keyboard, writing and writing and writing. I do plan to leave my keyboard soon to buy myself a file cabinet (I’m such a paper-keeper), and maybe a new pair of shoes, because shoes make me happy. So there’s that.

And these videos have been making me laugh uncontrollably lately. They are so very true.

Also, I ate today.

Breakfast by candlelight: soft boiled eggs, sunflower seed-flax toast, oatmeal and wheat berries with dried cherries and pecans, and coffee.

I finally figured out how to make perfect soft-boiled eggs on my stove: bring lots of water to a simmer, add cold eggs, cook for 5 1/2 minutes at a simmer, shock with cold water, serve.

Lunch: sunflower-flax bread with peanut butter and honey.

Evening snack: Ines Rosales olive oil torta and bubbly.

I love Ines Rosales tortas. I think this basically says:

We exclusively use superior quality virgin olive oil, which gives the benefits of adding to a healthy diet and its unique taste, and each torta is made with craftsmanship. The expert hands of our workers transform dough portions into these exclusive oil cakes, which are hand-wrapped and cooled in the original paper. Have a nice day and enjoy this moment of authenticity and health.

Dinner: vegetable lo mein and bubbly. (I cooked!)

Snacks (not pictured, because I forgot and scarfed them while watching Top Chef): Goldfish crackers.

I also might have a cookie before bed. :)

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6 Discussion to this post
  1. Lexie says:

    Hugs to you, Crystal.

  2. Nicole says:

    The hole is no fun. Life feels so vivid and wonderful when you’re on vacation or doing “new” and fun things and it can seem so much harder and bleaker when you’re back in a routine. Seeing so many other people often depresses me too because it always solidifies how *different* I am from other people and makes me feel like why bother. I’m glad that you have Justin to help you through the bad times. :)

    Also, have you ever seen the Hyperbole and a Half comic about depression? So true!
    http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html

  3. anya says:

    Breakfast by candlelight.. may have
    to steal that idea. Wishing you
    brighter days soon.

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