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As the clouds lift

December 2, 2010

I have been feeling better day by day, and as I feel better, it’s so hard to imagine the dark thoughts I had just a few days ago. It seems like in The Hole, I can’t remember the light; but when the clouds lift, I can’t understand the dark.

I am so grateful for everyone’s kind words, and I am also surprised to find so many others who deal with depression. It’s amazing how similar our thinking is during the dark days. Thank you all for sharing with me – it helps so much to know that I’m not alone. (To those of you who have emailed, I promise I’ll respond soon!)

A few things I’ve done recently that I think have helped a lot:

  • Went for a walk with Justin
  • Figured out that I need to leave the office at lunch, just to get sunlight and a sense of the real, non-cubicle world
  • Started taking a multivitamin, and increasing omega 3 intake
  • Forced myself to go to bed before midnight, to try to get enough rest (next step: go to bed before 11pm – ha!)
  • Went to Polka Dots just because I wanted a cupcake
  • Ate chocolate chip cookies that my sister sent to me
  • Went to a holiday party at Icenhauer’s last night, where I had lovely food (from Uchiko!) and talked to lots of friendly people
  • Was more open about The Hole, here and with family and friends
  • Asked for help
  • Started tracking moods and triggers and sleep and such
  • Finally got a new iPhone – I had an original, non-3G, old thing that crashed every time I tried to use an app and ran out of juice every few hours, and I was so frustrated with it. I’ve replaced it with an iPhone 4, which is so much fun! I can send/receive photos in text messages! I can multitask! I can take video! (Expect more videos around here in the near future…)
  • Ate spaghetti for breakfast
  • Looked through old photos of happy times

So, lots of little things, that have all added up to feeling better. Thanks for sticking with me, internets.

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10 Discussion to this post
  1. Carolyn says:

    You are such a wonderful person! I’m so glad that you’re headed up the other side again. Sometimes life is like walking from NY to CA – you want to fly, but have to walk up those mountains, down the valleys and through the swamps, through the boring flatlands, etc, etc, etc. So we just have to breathe, be in the moment wherever we are, and know that it all will change. Whether we want it to or not. (And I totally agree about getting out of the office at lunch! I’m so bad about not doing that.)

  2. Wei-Wei says:

    Looking through old photos of happy times does help. So does being open about the Hole. I could write so much about the Hole… but I’m glad you feel better. Ball of light?

  3. anya says:

    Those all sound like much needed activities.. and as a fellow night owl, I know the struggle with bedtime before midnight – such a strange concept.

  4. connie says:

    Good to hear that you’re taking care of yourself Crystal. Spaghetti for breakfast sounds like fun! ;)

  5. Wow, thanks so much for sharing about “The Hole”. I completely understand where you are coming from and have similar experiences. I am in such a place today, and started falling in it yesterday. I do understand there are triggers to depression and I try to recognize when it happens. For me those triggers are the end of the school semester, after visiting with family, not taking my vitamins, and after big events – pretty much anything after a big upswing. Reading your experience encouraged me even more that it is just a moment, a “hole” as you put it, and that I need to continue doing the things that make me happy.

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