And just like that, the Thanksgiving holiday is over. How did that happen? Honestly, I had so many plans for this weekend, but I was feeling pretty down, so we just stayed home. We did go to Justin’s parents’ place on Thanksgiving day, and we did get out to watch The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet’s Nest and eat a few oysters at Perla’s, but other than that, we spent the entire weekend on the couch.
Mostly this was my fault – some of you already know this, but I get sad sometimes. Like really, really sad. I’ve suffered from depression for years, and there are always times of happiness dotted with times of despair. Lately, there has been a lot more despair. I end up in a place I call The Hole – it feels like a dark, deep hole that I may never be able to climb out of. The Hole is numbness, unhappiness, a feeling of worthlessness and hopelessness. It sucks really bad. Justin does what he can to help me out – taking me for walks (or oysters), holding me and listening to me, wiping away my tears. And usually, after a day or two, I wake up in the morning and the clouds seem to clear, and I feel much better and life goes on. But I’ve been sitting at the bottom of this hole for six days now, and it’s wearing us both down. I don’t really understand how I still have tears left.
Going to work usually helps, because it takes my mind off things and keeps me busy for eight hours. I am hoping that today will be the magic day when the clouds clear.
I don’t usually share this kind of stuff on my little blog, but today I’m giving you the real me. I’m a little nervous about it, really, because I don’t want to be a downer. But I already have to put on my cheery face for work, and I don’t want to have to do that here, too.
I’m listening to these songs to cheer me up. Also, I just like that the band’s name is Starfucker. When I first saw that, I thought of some celestial rock concert, with shooting stars and twirling planets with rings. Then I realized it probably refers to a person who sleeps with celebrities. I like my version better.
Sharon Von Etten – One Day
Starfucker – Holly
Bostitch + Fussible – I Count the Ways
All of the November tunes are up on my 8tracks page. It’s a big playlist this month – I suppose I was needing some good tunes to get met through.
I hope you all had a really great holiday. And I hope we all have a great week. (Crossing fingers)